Journal

I know most people just write down feelings or whatever I feel it may be a bit easier if I were to write these entries out as letters to someone so i'm going to call you (the reader/Journal) Robyn.

Warning to thoes who wann read this, I will be talking about mental health shit and venting about life stuff. Some of it will be lighthearted but I needed somewhere to just vent and get my feelings out. That and there maybe typos but i'm not going to worry about them here cause who actually cares.

3/12/26

I recently starrted work on a website, one that uses html and css. I know it's oldschool but who gives a fuck, as long as Im having a good time, right? It's been quite the laborious feat but i'm starting to get the hang of the basics. It's actually quite similar to python, certain codes that I knew from that do the same thing in html, which makes that a whole hell of a lot easier to manage. Took a couple of multimedia and coding classes in middle and highschool but all of that was just programs that already had the shit put together and all you had to do was puzzle piece that shit together.

Anyways, I'm hoping to get more of my pages done today, wanna show them off to my partner. He's pretty cool, I love that goober a lot. We've been together for a whole 9 years! Middle school sweethearts, not for the fainthearted but we've been through everything together and I wouldn't have it any other way. Though I suppose talking of my partner wasn't truly what I wanted to do here. Not just yet anyways.

So besides the coding/website bullshit, I've been dealing with some really rough shit. I won't go into crazy details, espically not in the first letter to you, but I've been not feeling so hot Robyn. Everything has been so strenuious as of late. From waking up in the morning to even just sitting and watching a movie or something. You'd think those things would be more relaxing but they feel like tasks. And before I continue on, I have been diagnosed with Depression, Anxiety, PTSD, and CPTSD, so I know most of the ins and out of the disorders from first hand experience and research (I also enjoy looking into others due to wanting to be a Therapist). Back to the topic at hand though, I think that the lack of actual rest or joy plus some bouts of apathy that I may been losing my fuckin' marbles. I do have some apointments to set up so I shouldn't be much longer without a therapist which will be good.

Sorry for the weird ass first letter Robyn but now you know a bit about me and I feel it helpped me quite a bit to get this cacophony of random thoughts and feelings out. I wish you luck, and I'll keep you as updated as I can.

3/28/26

I've recently made a lot of progress! For damn near a year I had been struggling with mental health stuff so bad that I couldn't bring myself to clean mine and my partners room (he helped) to the point that it was almost impossible to navigate. Sure it wasn't a very big room in the first place but still it was extreamly difucult for me to have the motivation to do it in the first place. It looks so much better! We're planning on putting up shelves and some posters we hadn't put up since he moved in (my partner). Though I suppose that isn't the only thing to rant about today.

For context my partner and I live with a few other people but sometimes it makes shit insanely difucult. One in particular makes it a fucking nightmare to live here and it's been quite the struggle making it so both my partner and I want to get the hell outta dodge. We would do that if it wasn't damn near impossible with the less than diserable state of the Job market. What the fuck do you mean that you have a shit ton of help wanted signs and yet you still don't want to higher anyone? Put in a half a million applications and you still end up being rejacted. Don't put up HELP WANTED signs if you don't fuckin' mean it.

Another thing that's been bugging me but doesn't truly have much to do with the other is media illerteracy. There are numorus examples of that in recent times, from misinterpretaion to straight up ignorace. So many charaters in recent media, if they have more depth to them than the fuckin Kardashians then aparently they're shitty and too hard to understand or there's something wrong with them leading to the consumer of the media to hunt down, harass, and belittle the creator. This situation is espically common in the topic of a morally grey character. People heavily shaming one another over a complex character that they love and being bullied into liking the more popular one demnsional character.

Like James Sunderland from Silent Hill II, he's a textbook morally grey character that is beautifuly writen and has so many layers and yet if you look at a post online about him the comment sections are full of shame and bullying. It's even more prevolent in people who discuss an attraction to him, it' just results in, "He's nothing but a wife killer!" "He's a horrible fucking person why would you like him!?" "You'd end up like Mary if you were with him!". His charater is so much deeper than that. The whole game is about his fucking selfhatred and guilt. But the point is that people don't seem to understand good media anymore and yes this is just my fuckin opinion but im entitled to it. Shit that gets put online anymore is lacking in heart and is seen as nothing more than a fucking job. There's little to no joy in anything anymore. I wish peole would look deeper into older media and take some insperation, learn something about the cult classics anything but the borning mundain bullshit that is the internet and movies now.